Merry Christmas 🎄

Merry Christmas 🎄

This was the first year I felt at Peace and actually enjoyed Christmas Day without a pang or longing for what I have lost; what rejected me in my past and what I don’t have. It has been big shift - healing has finally occurred.

For many years I tried the surrogate family Christmas thing and whilst I was grateful, I needed to stop all that and create space. We had several years of Christmas Day just on our own and this year, is the first year we have finally found our Christmas ritual and traditions.

Something switched in me last week… I am the MOTHER of the HOME; and I am The One that sets the tone for how our Christmas Day FEELS. 🎄 With our huge tree being in storage (not that it would even fit in this house) and fuck knows where in the storage shed the removalist put all our Christmas things, it was after this realisation I took us late night shopping on a whim last week in search of a little tree to go just here on our kitchen bench.

We always gawk at each other and wonder wtf to get each other every year and both shrug our shoulders because all year - we always get what we want and buy what we want when we want it. And so Christmas always felt a bit lost.. and flat and… just another day.

Until this whim of I am the MOTHER. And I create the FEEL of my HOME flooded in.

So we went in search of a little tree and decided to do a Secret Santa for each other under the tree for fun. Well, it turned out to be really fun, the whole process. We love our little tree and #bonus - all the Christmas decorations were half price in MYER already so we grabbed a Santa that stands the height of the tree for our table too - had always wanted one of those. 🧑‍🎄

When I grabbed the Christmas decorations and tree, there was a white Christmas Stocking so I grabbed that and bought some extra little things for my daughter. I hid them from her of course. (Shes about to turn 17 if you’re wondering). Between then and Christmas Day, she felt that the one thing she got for me wasn’t enough so she went back to the shops the following days and got more. I played that I only got one and she kept saying it’s fine, when I knew it wasn’t.. but I kept playing anyway.

Christmas morning and ‘Santa’ had brought her a white stocking full of gifts 😍 Note: I never lied to her about Santa from day 1… and when she was young, we played Santa like all the kids do anyway.. she just never had a hit of the lie and breaks of trust that comes when kids realise it was fake…I digress.

I’m sure each Christmas will look different with our plans for the next 4 years, however I am so grateful to be at this place after a long road of healing my greatest wounds.

With a drive through Noosa, to see how busy it was, grabbed a coffee together at an open cafe… then a sun-kissed beach Summers Day time 🏖️ with the dogs 🐕 🐕 and Raw Chai Cheesecake cupcake making together when we got home whilst the red wine lamb shanks baked in the oven; it wouldn’t have been a Queensland Christmas without a storm thrown in for good luck; a power flux and grateful we didn’t have damage like some did 😢 to end our day fulfilled, at peace and grateful.

It wasn’t always like this… but there is life after healing and I’m here to show you that light at the end of the tunnel, even though you may feel envy, grief or jealousy - because when we’re in our healing phase… it’s brutal to face days like this and see others in bliss. But with no road map to follow, your heart can sometimes just wallow, yet let it be known, that you can pick back up your crown and shine once again and that.. is the greatest comeback you can ever have and I tell you - one day you will.

You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it…You have to go THROUGH it… 🐻

Love, Hannah
The Life Purpose Queen 👑