I've been feeling all the things... I haven't been feeling myself.
I've been feeling super weird, not wanting to show up, not wanting to write, not wanting to do anything.
And yet, deep down I know I have to.
Well, of course I don't have to do anything. But I want to. My SOUL wants to.
And yet, I've been questioning everything.
I have tiny bouts of feeling good and then everything just feels so much lately.
That 6 weeks prior to the first eclipse was just speeded up with absolutely everything. Full. Completely full. Space for surfing and things I am loving again yes, but it was also tightly crammed in.
I guess after working non-stop for soooo long I took any opportunity to fill that space with things I love and now... I am working on space for the sake of space.
And I am grateful that I am in a position that I can do that now.
I have been wondering why I am in this house. It is beautiful but being out of town, away from the ocean, still has been on my mind...
Sure I can drive in. However the 20mins to the closest shop entails for deep planning, lots of driving and meticulous shopping trips that... get on my nerves at times.
I have been feeling unsettled and ungrounded here in this house this last 6 weeks or so - I am conscious that it is eclipse energies. I am super conscious that this time last year I went through one of the darkest nights of my Soul in a VERY long time and that I landed in healing Warrnambool where I was uncertain where we were supposed to go next... let alone live.
Maybe that it is what this is about - that I am unravelling that entire experience. Being on the road for 5 months was huge and what I went through well... that theme song from Frozen drops back in again.
I've been feeling all the things...
I have had all sorts of feelings come up recently.. all the not good enough's, all the not wanting to care for the zillion animals that seem to take up so much of my time, all the driving that is getting on my nerves when I just seem to always be doing something that is not my Soul's deepest calling... turn up and create.
I even questioned myself after that livestream. And yet, I talked myself into going live anyway because I could put it all off another day because I was STILL not feeling any good about anything - especially losing my shit the night before which I haven't done for - AGES. Like YEARS.
Something huge is clearing out and I know that this is my healing house. We were only back in Queensland two weeks before we moved to this house after 5 months on the road from everything we went through let alone being stuck in that old house for 8 years.
I'm super conscious that I've just passed the 9 months in this house... that birthing portal.. that is still unravelling and allowing me to properly land here. Missing the ocean so close and yet, finding my way in this new environment, finding all the new things like the 1hr Float & 45min Sauna from lush City Cave the other day.
I'm conscious that I've been full time single mumming in this last 18mths with only 2 nights off mum duties in all of that amongst everything we've been through.
And.... sharing it.
Because that is the other thing I haven't been doing... is sharing all of me. And I used to, all the time. And I am grateful that THAT is coming back. THAT is important to me. That is how I teach, that is how I live, that is how I love, that is how I AM.
And on that note.. I had been questioning why I stopped sharing so much. After my livestream about my Tattoos that everyone had been asking me about, Leanne shared how when the tongue was cut off my snake on my arm back in Jan 2019 - that is also when I stopped sharing and I took a deep breath - wow. It was.
In February I had the tongue repaired when I had my face tattoos initiated and it had been annoying me since Jan 2019 that that was even like that. Leanne pointed out, that since the repair.. I have also begun sharing me again.
She was right. I am and I am grateful.
This is so huge for me. I realised I stopped sharing so much as well, because I learnt so much about myself that I realised way back when - boundaries were my issue - I didn't have any!
I have had to learn to say no, say no to those closest to me, to those in my workspace, to... so much that was always an issue for me, to charge for my serives and soooo much more.
And so I stopped sharing because I learnt I over shared. But at the same time - was it over sharing and trauma induced and filled? Or was I SHARING MY SOUL???
I have come into a space where it is time I BARE MY SOUL again and share - whatever the fuck wants to come out of me.
That is how I am. That is WHO I am.
And that is how I teach, grow, learn and EXPAND.
MY SOUL WANTS EXPANSION.
And this... needs a VOICE that I have been suppressing since - NO MORE!
My wanting to hide away, not feeling good enough, not feeling myself, feeling weird, not feeling like I know what to do anymore even though I have SO much to do, wondering what I am doing in this house, out here with this many zillion animals and how did this happen? (well the subconscious patterns created all the animals I now see! Another story for another day!) - has all come - because I haven't been sharing my Heart.
My heart that was so deeply distraught and shut down when I realised that all the 'problems' in my relationships - were actually me. So I did a tonne of consistent work - for YEARS. And then coming back out trying to understand where the boundaries of sharing or over sharing have been... and yet in that - I shut down my Soul.
I am not willing to do that anymore.
Or hide or suppress any parts of me anymore.
My Heart and Soul need my Voice and my Voice lights up my Soul.
No surprise.... I am about to ground Ear Chakra Consciousness - 18 months in the making - which means - Throat Chakra Consciousness has already activated.
No wonder all my Shadows are coming up to be seen.
Being deeply held by the Divine Feminine grace of the Ear Chakra Consciousness - the missing Chakra on the planet - that brings all back into balance.
The patriarchal rule is collapsing..
But the Divine Feminine - only rises and heals all - when you OPEN to the Divine that you ARE - to be seen in the full capacity that you ARE.
Don't you see how wonderful you ARE?
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
Psssstttt.... SOOOO excited for the Shadow of the Archangels coming up later this year - this is going to be HUGE.
Psssst again... Trust Your Intuition commences on the 5th July for our 10 Week Journey through healing your deepest darkest shadows, your pain, your trauma, so you can come out the other side like the boundary fun loving mystical queen that you ARE and step into your Divine Service role as a Healer. Click here for all the details: https://www.realityawareness.com/trust-your-intuition
P.P.S. I was shown a sacred container to work with those ready to accelerate their mission, their psychic development and the Soul expansion that they are born for. If you know this is what calls your Soul and you're ready to work 1:1, send me a message.