She decided to back herself the entire way.... and lived happily ever after 🙃👑Feb 04, 2021
She decided to back herself the entire way.... and lived happily ever after 🙃👑
This last month has seen one of the biggest dawning realisations of my entire life.
I hadn't been backing myself - the ENTIRE way.
I think I do pretty good at trusting myself and jumping whole heartedly into things on a whim and diving in and asking questions later. I have built my life and business upon this philosophy.
Over the years, this has caused me heart break in relationships that I have learnt deeply from.
But in business, it has served me well.
Stressful asf at times, but hey, what business isn't? Especially when you are beginning.
I have been angry asf this last month (you probably noticed 🤣) but fuck I was tired of not speaking my truth!
About the hard stuff, about the shit I don't believe in and definitely don't align to.
Why didn't I say anything before?
Who knows. Although, I deeply know. Soooo many factors I could write a book about them, because it wasn't just one thing. It was a series of things, that as a mother, trying to raise her daughter on her own, with trying to get ahead in life and not be stuck on the pension as a single mum forever, to leave a legacy for Her daughter, let alone the world, yeah it's been a tough road!
I thought I was missing something, thought... something was wrong with me.
To be on my own. To not have family or many friends around.
And yet, breaking down in session last week, I realised... that is a societal judgement... a 'norm' if you may. To have to be with someone. To have people around you. I see people judge people on this and yet, I do best on my own. I always have been.
Even through high school and primary school, I was always on my own. The introvert that would fire easily, but always led the pack too. I was always one of the one holding the parties at Her house and cleaning up before parents got home and noticed anything until they saw photos later on.
I've always been the leader, so why did I doubt myself?
Why did I shy away?
Why did I stop... talking?!
I hid my tail in between my legs as if I did something wrong!
I have been feeling this again the last few days and yet... I am not going to hide away from speaking my truth ever again... nor living it.
Being alone has been by choice.
It has been by choice to not have contact with family members that would only serve to put me down, tell me how bad I am and that I shouldn't do what I do, why would someone have contact with that? That is why I chose to walk alone.
I chose to drive across Australia and live on the other side of Australia to my family since I was 18, because of same. I chose to choose my freedom. A life, without the subtle put downs, abuse and being made to be wrong every time I opened my mouth.
It has been a choice to walk away from relationship after relationship when I thought it would be forever, because it was simply not in alignment or I wouldn't tolerate being around people who hated on me, judged me or put me down in any way.
Some people say you have to compromise and I say no way.
This last month, has seen a huge wave of trauma surface for me, that had been buried for a long time, and yet, it was playing out in my current relationships.
I shut myself down, for fear of being rejected.
I spoke my truth, but it was always wrong, so I didn't listen to myself anymore and put people on pedestals instead of listening to myself.
You would think that I would be good at this by now, but I am definitely learning - what I now realise, has been deep, deep layers shifting.
The biggest piece I have been questioning sooo much this last month amongst all this mess, is 'What happened?! Where did confident Hannah go? Where did the woman go that would speak her truth and would NOT question it, let alone her actions?!?!' I used to be that person! And for the last two years that has been knocked out of me, dissipated, gone.
Maybe I took people's words to Heart...
Maybe single parenting AND figuring out a business online with how busy I became unexpectedly with business growth. took it's toll on me...
Maybe it all built up over the years...
The answer came over a few days, a week even, this last month is a blur (and btw, where did 2020 go?! I keep thinking last year is 2019?!) that...
I went into a place, to seek more answers, to figure out what I was missing in business, what was the secret sauce... show me.
And I let that cloud my own judgement, my own intuition, I got clouded as I put their perceptions and words over mine. It was easy for me to do, they were my mentor - why wouldn't I be listening to them?
And yet, 99% of things I would do, just wouldn't work for me.
And yet, it isn't any of that.
The biggest thing that has come from that buried rage... was that I went from full confident in self way back when - and... it hit me...
I actually wasn't.
It was a front.
That under there... was a woman, full of hurt and pain and rejection and.... you name it.
It explains why I would react and fire up at the drop of a hat especially throughout highschool and my younger years.. it was hitting into sooo many layers of deep hurt and pain.
The front, was.... I HAD to be confident..I've been out of the physical family system since I was 18 and figuring life out on my own on the other side of the country ever since. It hasn't been easy.
I know at times I am confident. I know I am pretty, I am gorgeous, I am an incredibly intuitive Angel... I own all of that.
And yet, the inside core, was knocked hard... squashed, squelched and deeply obliterated. Like she wasn't even there...
The front had been shattered this past two years.
It uncovered all the buried crap that got to be dealt with on a different level, in a different way.
And now... that fiery rage.... shifted what I had been burying.. not just the hurt, the betrayal, the old core wounds... but the truth I had swallowed that wasn't my fucking own.
I got lost in the darkness.... and yet it was all supposed to be so Light 🤔
And yet, the gift... is that I rock solid know my truth now... but not just that...
Am living it... forever more.
There are times when we think we go off path, and yet, it we were on path all along.
There are times when it feels like death - as a part of us IS literally dying.
There are times when it takes a bit of time to recalibrate and get back on your feet.
There are times when you regret certain things, and yet you shake your head, because you know you were meant to take EVERY. SINGLE. STEP. THE. ENTIRE. FUCKING. WAY.
And you sigh and breathe out, knowing that tomorrow is another day, that you can shake off all that dust, pick yourself up, knowing you're stronger for everything you've learnt and that rock solid deep sense of knowingness... the confidence in who I am...
Isn't fake anymore... isn't a front I put on anymore.
It is anchor deep in the core of my being and I bow to this Divine presence... for She holds the key to all the doors.
I listen to Her and deeply illuminate in Her presence, my Heart is healed in Her presence...
And that presence is Me.
I've come into my own...
And that.. is why it has been so hard until this day.
And from this day, She decided to back herself... the entire way.
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
P.S. In my huge recalibration, my business has also changed. I had mentioned I am not doing once off Psychic Reading phone calls, or Distance Healings anymore, which is still true.
However, something hasn't been sitting right, amongst this shifting unraveling of all that is, I could FEEL something birthing through me and yet, I didn't know what.
Whilst there is more than one thing I can feel sitting there, one of them has become conscious to me.
I have been guided to have available, two sacred containers that you can work with me 1:1, so whilst this isn't a once off Healing Session or Psychic Reading Phone Call, you can still work with me outside of the Inner Circle.
If you have experienced working with me on the 21 Day Shifter with me before, it is a very similar experience.
However, this conscious creation -
🌟The Priestess Shifter 🌟
- 3 Months (84 Days) 1:1
- Deep Moon Magic 🌙
- Activating your Highest Wisdom
- Activating your true Goddess Self
- Activating your High Priestess Magic
- Deepening your Psychic Development
- Sharpening and acutely discerning your Intuition
This is by application only. Please send me a message to apply.
When you are feeling like you are being ripped apart - you are recalibrating..
When you are holding a space for yourself, that you are stretching beyond a capacity you've never done before...
When you whole heartedly trust yourself and don't look back..
You are free 🕊
If you're stuck in the trap... it's time to set your wings free 🕊