Something has massively shifted... when I love on myself, even when I don't look my what I feel is my best, I know I have changed. Raw. Real. Vulnerable. Radical. Unconditional Love.
When I can support myself in ways that nurture me, instead of beat up on me when I have had a massive week with very little sleep, releasing paradigms and relationship entanglements that have been deeply embedded more than I realised and has been slowly eating away at me, way more than I realised was even present and was the issue all along.... when I can love myself in this space, no matter what I look like, I know I have changed.
Sometimes I look worse for wear, but I can still love on myself - but this wasn't always the case!
Sometimes I eat super healthy, sometimes I eat what I can when I am busy. Being out of town now, makes easier for eating healthy that is for sure.
The biggest change I have noticed in myself is that since going back to the gym 3 x a week - I...
I've been in denial...
I hit a wall on Saturday. I just couldn't. I stopped. I cried and I was internally angry and I didn't even realise how much by. It was seething. And I began pointing fingers in my mind, in my energy in my... internal anger.
And then I caught myself. Oh... hang on Hannah - this three finger thing... um. Back at me.
What am I angry about in myself?
What am I pissed off about?
I've been in denial... I was in denial about the fact that my business and my life has changed SO much in two weeks!
Since I HELD THAT BOUNDARY two weeks ago and won't work myself or should I say burn myself out in people pleaser mode anymore! EVEN though I have been challenged in holding that boundary in every single way possible!
However - I have CHOSEN to hold it, not cave, and to continue to value my time, my energy and what I give of transformational service to others. It is THIS that has shifted me, elevated me - but it didn't come without...
I had been looking for safety in trying to find a man... I had been looking for safety in a relationship...
I have realised this past few weeks with the HUGE shift out of my bones that I had recently...
It dawned on me this last few days...
Back in 2016, when I began online, I went through one of the final relationship break ups with my on and off ex of 5 years.
After this, I felt.. lost reflecting on it.
For the next 2 years, I jumped from relationship to relationship - which, if I looked with my wisdom eyes now - I should've been dating (that doesn't mean se. x - dating for me, is going out for dinner or other activities to get to know someone - which maybe, is normal for you, but something I have had to learn at this point in the game) however, back then, I would be 100% IN, committed, it's us, what are you talking about? Done, sorted - forever!
And gosh, what a whirlwind, heartbreak and dissolving of myself, losing myself one could say and... just...
I've been stepping out of the drama, but my system wanted to pull me back in.
I noticed.... with all this space.. having consciously taken time off over the Christmas break which is a FIRST for me in the last 4 years, I was enjoying the Peace and quiet.
And yet my system, or let's say my subconscious patterns, my subconscious energy, wanted to create all this drama and intensity.
Because that is what I am used to.
I am used to living on edge, I am used to walking on eggshells, I am used to waiting for the next 'explosion' and living in this subconscious fear for the next out break or out burst.
Constantly in a state of fight or flight.
For the next belting, the next hiding, making sure I am doing everything right because God forbid I not be there for that person in the way they need me to be or to behave or to walk or to talk or I will get in trouble, receive a belting even.
This is the level of pattern that is clearing out of me right now...
The energy right now.. is so Crystalline, so Pristine, so Magical, so ‘floaty’, so... plasmic, I could describe it like the feeling of swimming fully submersed underwater....
I frequent dive under the huge waves in the ocean and touch down on the ocean floor as the big swell passes me over head, just to, watch them go over the top of me whilst I gaze into the vastness of Her depths whilst She holds me.
This, is what the ‘air’ feels like right now.
Like diving, fully submersed deep in the ocean
Is this, the dawning shift into the Age of Aquarius?
Is this the portal gate or is She here for keeps?
Is it something we embody, activate and stay aligned to, by choice? Is this the dawning era of the ‘garden of eden Home’, we’ve all felt and dreamt of for eons gone by, awaiting the return of the cosmos lineage... in utter discrepancy of totalitarian authoritarianism apparently ruling the game..
And yet, we sit in the vast cosmos of fluid...
Yesterday siri took me back roads that saw me drive my V8 wagon through 4WD roads that.. you just wouldn't take such a car
I was weary and wondering wtf was the bitumen road again... but nope, we kept going through 4WD roads, just me siri and I, through private property cattle farms, through Deer Farm parks with big signs everywhere stating 'no shooting', crossing through two running creeks that just days earlier, I wouldn't have been able to cross with the amount of rain we have had.
'Why didn't you turn around?!' Yeah, funny thing about that. I saw some warning sign, but didn't read it and thought - well, why is this private property if a council road is through here, that siri has me on and kept driving.
I also knew I had come too far, that if I was to turn around and go the other way, I wouldn't have made it to my destination on time, to give the Life Purpose talk I had said yes to.
Crazy. Yes well, you should know me and my intuition by now. We just do things...
I feel like I haven't stopped...
I feel like I can't catch up on my work..
I feel like I can't keep up on the ideas that are pouring through me...
And yet, at the same time, I know that what I am feeling right now is expansion.
It just.. doesn't feel like that sometimes!
Yesterday was a weird energy day for me - and the day before, so Sunday afternoon Australian time. Super weird energy. I wondered if I was feeling someone.. an ex or something... but then some of my clients and students had posted in my groups and messaged me feeling same sort of weird energy.
It was so weird that on Sunday night Adaya asked to sleep with me which was out of the blue, given that for 9 solid years she co-slept and then just like that overnight, she was done. So she hasn't slept with me for ages now and she even felt the strange energy.
When we got into bed, going to sleep, I thought she was watching youtube on her phone, I asked her to turn it off and to my...
A few years ago, a mentor once told me about the word 'busy' - instead, say, 'full schedule' and... ooooh has it been this! Busy creates a frantic energy and yet, full schedule has a different vibe to it and I choose this one
It has been FULL ON! Huge recalibration at the deepest levels externally to align with what has been embedded internally for... years of internal work.
Right now, every thing in my reality is changing.
It is like all the pieces are coming together. That everything I have been sacrificing everything for, the last few years... no more sacrifice!
I don't need to anymore. What a feeling! And yet, has been the 'reason' I have been doing it all in the first place, to break through into another dimension of reality for myself, so I can expand Reality Awareness to more people around the world.. .who deeply need their Heart to be heard and their Ancient Blooded Healer Self to be the one who leads, with confidence, grace and ease.