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I USED TO ADMIRE THEM, BUT NOW......

I used to be boisterous and loud. I used to be a bitch. I used to be one of the boys. I used to think that was what I needed to be to achieve, but I realised that was the front for my tender heart that was trying to protect itself.

Now I don’t need protecting.

Now my masculine is not out of balance.

Now my immature masculine self doesn’t need to put on the big front of facade.

I can just be me. Without putting anyone else down.

Without judging those I have no idea with their life entails.

Without thinking I need to be doing it better or like them (competition - immature masculine).

I used to be okay with sarcastic humour. Not anymore. It’s abuse.

These things - I recently came across someone who I deeply admired, who taught me a lot. But through reactive outbursts, on my part AND their part, they are not in my life anymore. 

I recently read something and it hurt my heart. I felt it to my core. And in the...