I stopped looking for my Soulmate, when I realised it had been in front of me the entire timeโ€ฆ.

I stopped looking for my Soulmate, when I realised it had been in front of me the entire time….

Driving home from Brisbane on Wednesday night, after an already 16 hour fly day, picking up my daughter from New Zealand, and road works traffic taking 3 hours for us to get home, when usually it a 1 hour drive, Adaya (9.5yrs) out of the blue asked,

“Mum, can we just fruit fast for the next few days, I just want to eat fruit for a bit.”

“Sure, honey, sure thing.” I replied, quietly smiling deep in my heart.

I stopped forcing Adaya to eat the foods I made for her when she was a toddler. Why? Because she would go to her Dads - and I would be the ‘bad/not fun mum’ because I only had healthy food in the house. And - I wasn’t going to be the ‘bad/not fun mum’!

I remember being infuriated at the time, when I would pick up my nearly 4 year old at the time and learnt they had been at Maccas and icecream and so much more. I had consistently cooked organic nutritious foods from her from scratch ever since she started eating food. It made me stressed, frustrated and very upset when all this began changing.

And now? I am sooooo grateful for that turn of events! Just like my entire past. It hasn’t been easy, but fuck I wouldn’t change it for the world, as I wouldn’t be who I am now without it ALL. And I love who I am now ๐Ÿ˜‰

It was a process for me - to let go of control - because that is what it was - and drop into deep trust around letting Adaya choose the foods she wanted to eat - all the time.

As she continued to get older, I would get upset, deeply frustrated and more, that I would put all this effort, time, care and more into creating/cooking/preparing beautiful organic meals for her and she wouldn’t eat a thing. I remember calling her Dad many times in those passing moments complaining my frustration and how much money I spend on food and preparation time and she wouldn’t eat it. ‘What does she eat with you?’ I would ask and would feel deeply hurt, upset and more inside when he would harp on about how much she eats with him! I wondered what I doing wrong….

Over a period of time, I began to let go…

I deeply honour her choices in everything else, like her clothing choice and sleep times for example, ever since she could point her hand, so why not her food?

When we would do food shopping, I let her pick things that she wanted and she would of course choose, all the foods I would never usually buy.

I had to let go… and let go… and let go… and TRUST.

If I extended her trust in her own bed time, in her clothes, and more - why not her food?

Obviously, doing the inner work I do, over time, I continued to let go and then one day, intuition dropped in whilst we were doing that shopping…. and I realised - it wasn’t even about the food! It was the CONNECTION TO HER DAD that the food was representing!!! #omg

So of course, with this, I deeply, deeply let go and from that moment, I stopped forcing her to eat anything I forced her to.

I ask her what she wants for every meal and I prepare this for her - because then she eats it! Rather than me assuming what I THINK she should eat and then go to all this preparation and more and then the frustrating events that would occur when she wouldn’t eat it?!? Far out I am grateful for that intuition dropping in back when it did!

I have found myself quietly smiling deep in my heart, when over the years, kids would come to our home and see so much ‘junk food’ in our pantry and wonder why it hasn’t been eaten. I would gratefully share it with them, of course, but simply for the fact that it would get thrown out eventually.

You see, when I let go and started to allow Adaya to have full freedom in her tuning into her own body and telling me what she wanted to eat, rather than me trying to force her to eat healthy/what I eat and more, of course she would eat lollies, maccas, chocolate, ice-cream and more, you name it, whatever she wanted…. something amazing happens in this space…

She would eat a few, sometimes more, sometimes less, and then they sit in the cupboard. I still today, frequently clean out the cupboard and ask her if  she is going to eat them and she always replies, ‘No, I have gone off them, chuck them out.’

By giving her full freedom in her choices around food (let alone others) - I have realised how deeply supportive this has been EMOTIONALLY for her, especially when her Dad moved back to New Zealand nearly 3 years ago now. It is a way she can connect with her Dad. And this, I deeply allow for her. This is what supports her HEART.

It is what her Heart chooses to eat - why would I want to override, what she knows is right in her own Heart?

I stopped looking for my Soulmate, when I realised it had been in front of me the entire time….

When she said that on our way home from Brisbane the other night, it isn’t the first time she has said this. It has become a common occurrence, after spending time with her Dad in New Zealand. She knows when she needs to fast, and it isn’t because of me telling her too. Of course it isn’t a strict fruit fast, she still has complete freedom of choice in this space, and of course, I still prepare other food I know she likes ‘just in case’ she wants more than fruit and have this available and more.

I frequently fast, eat raw and then eat whatever my body desires. I allow full freedom for myself, why not for my daughter? Plus… when she sees me doing this - she knows what is what… it is not uncommon for her to sit and eat a pile of carrots in one sitting. Mono eating is very common here in this household! Our children do what we do… not what we say…

I stopped looking for my Soulmate, when I realised it had been in front of me the entire time….

Last night, I had to work for a bit after she went to bed. And she came in to grab her old iPhone as it has music on it (new one not updated yet from her travels - yes, she has a red iPhone 8 that she wanted! Thanks **her** Dad! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜‰) She said, she wanted to listen to the meditation music to go to sleep…

I had my ear phones in, working (well, it never feels like work to me, its my passion, my life), and with music in my ears, my heart is full of joy…

When I went to bed, I took my ear phones out and was like, what is she listening too? It wasn’t meditation music…. she was listening to Keeno, ‘All those shimmering things’ - one of our favourite drum n bass artists…. yep, that’s my girl. #loveher

I stopped looking for my Soulmate, when I realised it had been in front of me the entire time…. I want to really reiterate that this doesn’t mean - that I emotionally engulf Adaya AT ALL. I am very mindful of my energy and emotional reality and supporting her in hers. For example, I don’t just cuddle her at any time. I ask her, ‘How is your mummy cuddle tank?’ And she will reply empty or full and if it is empty, then I hug her.

If I ask her and she says full and then I realise it is my tank that is empty and that I need more self care, and if I am wanting to connect with her and am needing a hug, I then say, ‘Oh, hmmmm, my Adaya cuddle tank must be empty’ and then she chooses if she wants to hug me (usually most of the time), but it’s from a space of freedom and understanding of emotional reality of needs, desires, and feelings, rather than unconscious ‘pulling on each other’s energy’. 

There is also our love tanks, as well as cuddle tanks. Which, are replenished by hugs and 1:1 present time…

After not seeing her for 2 months (which was huge and a whole story in itself!), and meeting her at the airport in New Zealand, her showing me her new shirt she just bought with 'Queen to Be' written on it, was just icing on the cake! ๐Ÿ˜

So… this whole: I stopped looking for my Soulmate, when I realised it had been in front of me the entire time….

It wasn’t actually what made me stop looking for my Soulmate… that happened over a series of events especially this last 3 years… and at the end of November last year, after the ‘last try’ with my ex and us breaking up, for then me road tripping across OZ, to see family with Adaya, our dogs in 40C Aussie Summer heat that didn’t go ‘as planned’ (what does these days right?! #handitover) That took me almost 2-3 months to recover from in itself, I found myself in the middle of March this year, realising that it had been over 3 months since I had been intimate with anyone - even myself.

It just sort of happened.

I got done with the relationships last year - realising how much they pulled me away from my work… and after the ‘final straw’ at the end of November - I was prepared to stay single for the rest of my life -

My Life Purpose, was way more important to me, than any relationship. 

It wasn’t out of haste - but of deep importance of the depth of what I feel I am on this planet to do (little did I know at that time 7 months ago - what I would be shown, that I have seen about my Life Purpose, in this past 4 months! Walking in faith and trust of my intuition much?!)

I realised within myself, that I have had many lifetimes of relationships. And I was completely happy deep within myself, to just be 100% present with my Daughter and my business.

I came into such a deep sense of peace about this. It is hard to describe.

After that road trip at Christmas time (I LOVE road trips, especially on the wide open roads of the outback, with literally not a soul around for miles), trance and drum n bass playing the entire time, my dogs and Adaya by my side, I realised, I have it all, I have everything I want. And have ever wanted.

Adaya and I frequently have dance sessions after dinner usually to loud music and our dogs have learnt to dance with us, ‘sing’ (bark) and lots of laughs are always ensured. (Awesome form of connection that builds safety and trust with your kids btw, or anyone - laughing together)

It wasn’t until about March/April this year, when I realised deeply, it was more of a deep intuitive ‘switch’ from deep within, that something, clicked, or changed deep within me, realising that Adaya is my Soulmate - a Soulmate. (I have had a HUGE changed in these labels by the way, several years ago, so I am probably using this in a different terminology that you are expecting/assuming and that ‘explanation’ is a whole blog on it’s own, comment below if you would like me to share my realisations and shifts about this in another post).

The more I have focused on myself and ‘given myself over’ to the entirety of my Life Purpose and from all my past relationships, deep inner healing of my co-dependency and where that has stemmed from, this past 9 months has been so healing on a level I cannot describe. There has been many, many tears this past 9 months, healing core spaces that has seen me jump from relationship to relationship for pretty much my entire life, I came into a space 9 months ago - where this being single for the rest of my life was and is deeply attractive….. hence, what I have been doing.

And the space that I have moved into now, from doing this? Complete utter underlying JOY - like what I have always known was possible!!!! That even in tears - the JOY is just ‘there’ - the entire time, it doesn’t leave me. It is SOLID and STABLE. It HOLDS ME.

From this space, after the break up at the end of last year - I had priorities to tend to - here with my life’s work as deep priority, my daughter obviously and myself of course. And in this space, especially early on - unless someone meets me at the depth I AM - I am just not interested, as from the past experiences in relationships - I am deeply grateful for all the messy, deeply co-dependent spaces, and more - because it has deeply, deeply shown me:

~ what is extremely important to me
~ what I need in relationship
~ what I need to take care of myself in relationship
~ what I need to step up and take deep responsibility for in my own life
~ what changes I needed to make
~ what is non-negotiable in relationships with me

I am now extremely clear in different relationships in my life:

~ what they are
~ how they are in my life
~ what I need for and from each of them
~ what I need to tend to
~ to make sure these needs are met
~ what my boundaries are
~ that these boundaries are non-negotiable

in every single one of them for this is how I continue to serve at the capacity that I do and am moving into as my Life Purpose continues to unfold, bloom and have exponential growth - BECAUSE OF THIS UTTER CLARITY in ALL AREAS.

And if it wasn’t for my deep desire to be loved, to give love, to BE LOVE and all in between…

If it wasn’t for my crazy desire to have the best in everything, including relationships…

If it wasn’t for my extremely high level of standard that I have craved for the entirety of my life and now understand why everything has happened the way it has…

If it wasn’t for this past 9 months of healing deep co-dependency wounds, so I would stop jumping from relationship to relationship….

If it wasn’t for every single person in my past teaching me exactly what they have ‘nice or not’….

If it wasn’t for my dear daughter, unexpectedly turning up in my belly 10 years ago, I would not be where I am today.

And for this, I am living in a state of constant gratitude these days - especially after shifting what I have in the past 4-5 months especially.

And this internal state of being - of deep gratitude that actually, doesn’t really have a label/word to describe the sense of solidarity that I feel, after working through this co-dependency - this internal state of balance?

Phew. This is the stuff dreams are made of.

To feel this WITHIN me as my normal state now?

The complete balance, of masculine and feminine WITHIN?

That deep flow, solidly connected right in to and from my core being of this state?

It actually doesn’t have words. I can feel it though, and this sense of Peace, complete and utter clarity, divine stability, support and deep, deep LOVE?

Now, that - is worth emitting to the Universe ๐Ÿ˜˜

Love, Hannah
The Life Purpose Queen
๐Ÿ‘‘

P.S. August, deeply celebrates my incredible milestone of 2 years of Tuesday Tarot - yes! I haven’t missed a single Tuesday! I was intuitively guided to drop my 21 Day Shifter Program from $997 to $97 so if you are needing support in finding your own internal balance, have tried and tried and nothing has worked before, are in a stale mate relationship and don’t know how to get out of it, or even put energy to trying to make it better again anymore, are feeling just lost and wtf is going on in my life, then this space here, is 21 Days of deep support, understanding, healing and divinely guided strategies, healing techniques and more, to complete shift you out of this funk and get your internal self back to balance, strong and feel in a place you have only dreamed of or see other people doing. Click here for all the details, or send me a private message with your questions about it: https://www.realityawareness.com/p/21-day-shifter-program 

P.P.S. I was also intuitively guided to keep Get Clear for $19 for August too! (Usually $49!) If you want to fine tune your spiritual organs, which is HOW you receive your intuition, and get crystal clear on what your intuition is guiding you to do, to release the confusion, so you can deeply take action on the steps that guide you to awakening your life purpose, as this is what following your divinely guided clear intuition does - then click here to grab Get Clear for $19 and for more details: https://www.realityawareness.com/p/get-clear-intuition 

P.P.P.S - something just came through this morning… this deep support I have for you to flourish into your Life Purpose beautiful Souls - it’s just going to keep continuing.. I am excited this came through to share with you…. I will keep you posted… of course ๐Ÿ˜˜

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