I've been in denial...
I hit a wall on Saturday. I just couldn't. I stopped. I cried and I was internally angry and I didn't even realise how much by. It was seething. And I began pointing fingers in my mind, in my energy in my... internal anger.
And then I caught myself. Oh... hang on Hannah - this three finger thing... um. Back at me.
What am I angry about in myself?
What am I pissed off about?
I've been in denial... I was in denial about the fact that my business and my life has changed SO much in two weeks!
Since I HELD THAT BOUNDARY two weeks ago and won't work myself or should I say burn myself out in people pleaser mode anymore! EVEN though I have been challenged in holding that boundary in every single way possible!
However - I have CHOSEN to hold it, not cave, and to continue to value my time, my energy and what I give of transformational service to others. It is THIS that has shifted me, elevated me - but it didn't come without doing the deep internal work to continue to hold and RISE.
I have gone back to relationships out of guilt WAY toooo many times - or should I say - just enough times, that I know to not even touch those things - look at them even anymore when I know they are DONE... and this principle now applies to choices in my company that I make... and continue to hold.
I have triggered way more people with these boundaries that I realised. That was definitely not my intention, I have been simply doing #1 what I am guided to do and #2 valuing myself, more than the guilt that used to drive my life, not only into people pleaser mode - but into darkness.
If my intuition is guiding me to do something - there is a lightness, a joy and things KEEP flowing, rising, expanding and opportunities for greatness flow in left, right and centre.
If I ignore my intuition about something - I go into the darkness and am then shrouded in darkness.
I then get angry because #1, I am not listening to my intuition and damn well know it and #2 I go into denial about that fact that I am not listening/actioning my intuition and project that darkness onto others! I take it out of them, I get angry at them - even when I haven't spoken to them!
Phew! Yep, done with that vicious cycle thank you!
My co-dependent patterns, that was the way I learnt how to survive in the world, and they taught me... how to have boundaries!
They, meaning the patterns and all the people connected to those patterns, taught me how to love myself, instead of seeking this from others that I didn't even know I was - that need for validation? Yep, that one.
And hey, I am no way near perfect but geez, compared to who I was 2-5 years ago. Different woman alert!
#sidenote - so those people that pulled through your lack of boundaries way back then, you didn't even have to be enmeshed with them back then to be in this field of energy, this space - will either drop away quietly or... not so quietly. Let them go. This is the entanglement from your field, as you're releasing to a higher frequency, the things that are not rising with you, will release from your life.
I've been in denial, in a sense of a huge recalibration was taking place, and of course I knew that - however, energetically, physically - it has been an adjustment!
Remember not long ago and I shared about the 'slave that is free, but stayed acting as though the chains were on' - it takes adjustment time to shift from one reality to the next!
I've been in denial and on Saturday morning when I found myself in deep resentful mode.. I was as down as they could get - however, I realised this morning... I was just - Letting Go.
I began my moon flow on Saturday... now, I see Beings everywhere.... and I also have seen them in my blood over the years. This bleed? So. Many. Beings!
I feel they are not 'negative' or 'bad' - but powerful allies that have walked by my side, held in my womb, in ways of Beings, that have carried me until now... and now.. they show their Gift. So, so deep!
Releasing from my system, it took a fair bit of processing on Saturday to drop into the core of what is happening. Last week, I handed over the final workload that I have seen Reality Awareness be in a place for my companies vision since 2005! Well, this is the first stage, that enables me to move to the second phase - this part last week? This gives me the freedom to commence the second phase! From 2005, until now - I have been doing it all myself - phew! Talk about an adjustment! #justabit!
Huge. No wonder I had a releasing day on Saturday, it FELT like I had been in denial about things - and yet, I have been recalibrating - realising the shackles are now off, but now what?
Even though so much to do - always - I can do it with calmness, freedom, way less stress and actual joy now.
You know, since 2016, I have been journalling about how it would feel to be living the life I am now.. that... is in existence now. The feelings - I would feel, peace and calm, most of the time, I wouldn't be worrying about this or that, we would have a new beautiful home, new car and I would have money in the bank and as a single mum this has been a huge deal, let alone at the same time, releasing co-dependent patterns in ALL areas of my life which at it's core, was keeping me at the level I had been in for all my life.
The reality I live now is here, the one I had been calling into existence for so long and even though I am already 'at my next phase and goals ahead 3 years deep into my 10 year plan', this adjusting, accepting and moving to the next phase - the 'denial' has not really been that, just a realisation that I am here now and ready to move to this next phase! It has been a letting go, a shifting, a recalibrating and.... a DEEP CELEBRATION!
I think this DEFINITELY needs to be CELEBRATED!
And yet, was a definitely a cathartic release this last few days.
The denial was about the judgment of my own self!
I was angry and blaming myself for having been in this position for so long - which could easily be projected to others for 'not making it work' and yet - no one can make it work but me!
It was the judgement and the guilt that was heavy and as soon as I took the finger off that one - RELEASE!!!
No more going back out of guilt, no more taking others projections that they throw onto me - personally - OMG FREEDOM!!!!
What that USED to do - is trigger my guilt, then out of guilt I would lower my boundary and gah, we all know how someone feels eventually if not right away when we do that!
This has been one of the biggest shifts EVER, but what is also interesting that I had been working on this throughout my intimate relationships, but forgot about other areas of my life, or just.. wasn't aware of it until about 18 months ago and it has taken this long to get to where I am now, after those realisations!
Not out of not taking action, but out of taking ALL the aligned actions to get me to where I am now.
People think things are an overnight quick fix, they are not. #realitycheck
You've had a lifetime living a certain way, we are habitual creatures, an entire reality doesn't just change in one overnight sleep. #realitycheckII
From working with many, many clients over the years, I have noticed and with myself, this 18month birthing cycle, to birth a new reality and low and behold, from the time of inception of realising I want my everyday life to function differently, to the monstrous changes I had to dedicatedly stick to, implement, shift and step into, we are ready for the next level baby!!!
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
P.S. FINAL HOURS before Life Purpose Accelerator closes beautiful Souls!
~ Increasing Psychic Development
~ Activation and Alignment of Life Purpose
~ Deep fulfilment of increasing understanding of your contribution to Humanity WHILST living your own life with complete Trust of your Intuition
~ Connection to your Guides, Angels, Spirit Guides, Dragon and Faery Realms and so much more
~ Rapid advancement of your Intuitive Gifts to amplify your intuition so you know without doubt what you are being guided to do!
Doors close in a few hours, click here for all the details, before this closes: https://www.realityawareness.com/life-purpose-accelerator