IT IS ALWAYS THE HEALING AT THE CORE.
The surface stuff may trigger you… but what is DEEPER, what is UNDER that… TRAVEL THAT.
Which is… after all, my gift… straight to the CORE.
Straight to HEART of the matter.
It is just… what I do. Naturally.
That powerful place.
That…. safe place.
That…. place of Love.
HOME IS HEART IS.
EXPELLED FROM THE TRIBE.
If you are going to keep reading, I am letting you know, you MAY get triggered by this post. You may get upset by this post. If you choose to keep reading, please, if you get upset, please seek help and support - not bitch about me behind my back about it, please speak to me, or speak to a support person in your life.
I am here… deeply sharing my process… as I do… and even hesitated writing this, in depth, because…. of the content and nature of it.
This is usually only stuff I share - my deepest processes for my Trust Your Intuition Tribe or Life Purpose Mentorship Tribe… Yet, for some reason, I need to write this… and I need to share the depths of my process.
I am not sure. Yet, I also know. So that you too, can HEAL and know what is under the surface.
I am not looking for sympathy and if you drop into ‘Oh poor Hannah’ or feel bad for me or more - you have missed the ENTIRE point of sharing my process!!
I am sharing - so you too - CAN HEAL.
Let’s all HEAL our internal shit, the stuff SITTING UNDER the surface…. lets go DEEP - so we can FREE THE WORLD…
AND ourselves, #ofcourse
The past 5 days… 6 days… 7-10 days… have been fucking huge for me.
You know, how I shared I had been ‘hiding’ the other day? And… I hadn’t been meaning too…
I need to give you a little bit of a back story, to get the depth of this post.…
This past 7-10 have built up things, that… I didn’t know were sitting there… or maybe, they have and I think a huge part - no - I KNOW - a HUGE part of this, entire thing under the surface of it all, is that my business has been RAPIDLY growing exponentially this past few months and is increasing to a point where I must had work over. That is a no brainer yes, and was always coming.
Back in March, I began a restructure of my business.
I had been just creating whatever, whenever and doing my intuitive flow thing for 18 months online… which I wouldn’t change for the world, however, in March, I realised and knew, if I was to continue to expand and grow as I see myself and know my Life Purpose for this next 10 years, this is inevitable change.
So I began my restructure.
Masculine, contained, structure - to ‘house’ the crazy ass, highly creative Feminine Flow.
That began in March.
It also came at a synchronistic time when I realised I hadn’t had sex for over 4 months, not even with myself. I knew, I was deeply healing something bigger than I realised, my entire life of co-dependency patterns in relationships, relationship after relationship, after relationship, ever since I was 14.. and needing sex to feel loved in relationship, not knowing any other way to feel loved… there is more to that alone, but… wanting to stay on track here (yes, my life story book, is about to be birthed - can you tell!)
Back to this past 7-10 days…
It has been full schedule here. Like FULL as I have ever been. I am booked out 2-3 weeks in advance now and super keen for when my other team/staff member comes back and starts in 2 weeks, and the help - is DEEPLY welcomed. 2 years of 18 hour days… I am ready to catch up on some sleep 😉 Let alone…. time with my DAUGHTER.
And THIS is where core begins…
The first 12 months, wasn’t sooo bad… I managed to spend quality/special time with her… as I do now, yet… this last 12 months, with the exponential growth, has been…. a bit of a time warp to be honest.
Let alone the fact I have been on the Lord of Time Trinity Liquid Crystals with Oak Tree, Diamond and Lapis Lazuli in the mix this past 5 months solid. That was an intuitive call and I trusted, as I do.
When I released my website in July - there were MANY significant factors to that ‘birthing’. More than I care to share in this post right now, due the even more sensitive nature and….well, that is for my upcoming book…
I think, a huge part of this ‘fall’ if you want to call it that… or I would rather call it… fall through to the truth, to what really is… which is, of course - Love, under it all - every single time.
Is that I had EXPECTATIONS of ‘when’ this should be done by… yet, with my creations and flow and business - there is not time structure… God’s time is what I like to call it.
Yet, the exponential growth recently, has shown me I need team members and fast, if I am to… keep going!
The point is - Adaya, my daughter, is 9.5 years now… and for 2 years has been ‘waiting’ if you may - or maybe it is me - that feels guilty, that even though I am with her all the time, I want more present time with her. And that, is coming - very soon, when my team members start their full hours in 2 weeks time.
However - this expectation thing - every 6 weeks, Adaya is now with her Dad in New Zealand. Which is fine.. but geez 6 weeks flies right?! And, I wanted THIS time her being home, to be the one I could spend lots of time with her, however, that - hasn’t happened as much as I wanted to and it’s those expectations, that floor you - no matter what relationship you are in….
Release the expectation, let go and trust… yeah, easy said than done right!?
Anyway - point is - the torn feelings about wanting to be present with her, more than I have been, is what underneath it all triggered - this…
This past 7-10 days, something has been building, yes…
And releasing my gift of Service, of Distance Healings, was more significant that I am going into detail with in these posts as I mentioned.
Yet, what came up this morning??
WAS THE CORE.
GOT TO THE CORE BABY.
I didn’t even know THAT was still sitting there.
This past 6 days, have been huge for me.
Shit has hit the fan so to speak.
And yes, I swear.
I am deeply love and light… but I am both sides too remember…. I don’t deny that AT all.
I lose my shit.
I get angry.
I am HUMAN.
Not denying that baby - cause THAT is what we are here for - to EXPERIENCE HUMANESS.
NOBODY on this planet is above their Humanness - and for me, that is a HUGE RED FLAG for me, for seeing or being around anyone that goes around denying that aspect of themselves the Human part that’s the real shit, because it’s ALL of you, not denying the physical Human emotions we God Damn came here to experience and master if you will! Btw - Mastery doesn’t mean DENIAL! FAR FROM IT. I back the fuck away and FAST from the ‘love and light’ and ‘it’s all so amazing all the time’ (posting on social media) and sweep the rest under the carpet aka your Heart’s true feelings, that get shut down. I move right away…and get on with my Life Purpose 😉
I’m getting sidetracked…
The support that I have attracted in my life… is here… deeply, yet… it is not physically here so to speak. With my team starting their full hours in just under 2 weeks aka - support in the physical - it is no wonder, this has come up.
For the support? Is the Masculine.
Aka - the entirety of the restructure that began…. 6 months ago…
#sidenote - I am noticing, that when I commence something huge, it takes me about 6 months to ‘complete’ and then, and what I have also noticed, even with my clients, that come to me with fertility issues and the depth of healing I do with them, it takes about 18 months, to ‘birth’ the baby - literally and metaphysically… which is interesting noticing this over my years..
Anyway, back on track..
Guess I am nervous sharing this, can you tell?!!?
So… this past 7-10 days, birthing I guess, going deeper… there are many layers to all of this..
And… this past 2-3 days hit CORE for me.
I was like wtf is ACTUALLY going on here?!
I was ‘hitting walls’ like… just fuming with things, triggered as fuck with things…and all the whilst, wondering how on Earth I was in this space - wondering, trying to understand what was going on… and yet, of course, when this stuff is surfacing, from deep below??
We can never understand it logically when it is surfacing - because how it surfaces?
Is with a trigger on the SURFACE.
IT IS NEVER ABOUT THE SURFACE ISSUES!!! EVER!!
If you get stuck in ANY relationship - its NEVER about the surface/current issue babe! #godeeper
So, when I had been triggered DEEPLY this past 6 days - and it was 3 times, that I was DEEPLY triggered, by the 3rd time, yep, I was FUMING.
WTF is this happening for, why is this going on… angry as fuck.
Yes, I am about to bleed any day now..
Yes, it is Dark Moon/New Moon, releasing the OLD to let the NEW come in…
Yes, I am deeply aware of the Hurricanes, many Earthquakes and more going on…
And YEP my own hurricanes and earthquakes going on in my own life…
The Earthquakes in myself… the trigger was the Earthquakes that enabled the crack in my Heart, to open and let that shit that I had buried under there for a long, long time… to come UP and it caused a Hurricane of wtf is going on here…. yes - I was focusing on the surface stuff…
Until this morning..
I went back into meditation… and tears, were just pouring out of my eyes… And I had a vision/wanted to RUN - run the fuck away… and in my mind’s vision/energetic body - I guess I did…
But I noticed very quickly, I wasn’t running here in my present day home/suburb.
I was running, through the park/oval, I used to walk through everyday on my way to high school.
I was running at full pelt and bawling my eyes out at the same time.
And I didn’t stop running. It took usually about 10 minutes to DRIVE where I ran too…
Let me back track a bit to what I ran from…
I am deeply nervous sharing this…
Please know I am not blaming… please know, I am not saying it was bad/wrong/I hate them for it/that I had a shitty life etc etc - if you go into this space - you are triggered honey and please own that! Because you will miss the GOLD that I am sharing here…
Because what I am sharing???
Is what I am about to share - is the CORE - of HEALING MY MASCULINE SELF
That - as you know -
Our feminine and masculine Inner selves - are first imprinted from our parents… there is more to that, that isn’t for this post, let me stay on track…
Because, as I mentioned this restructure - the structure, support, ‘holding space’ - is Masculine right? That, began this deep healing for me in my business and life - in March… and healing an entire lifetime of codependent, relationship after relationships in my entire life - stemming from the start when I was…. 14… because…
When I was running - that dropped in DEEP in meditation this morning?
Well, I wasn’t deep in meditation, meditation just took me there and fast…
I was running from… in this current day - the pain I was feeling that has triggered this SAME pain.
I was bawling in my bed, listening to my meditation with this vision that came back…. and I had to crawl out of bed into my healing space and grab the tools that I teach in my Trust Your Intuition Course, because this was more than just meditation to heal this core wound that I didn’t know was sitting there…
I was running from…
It started when…
I was on the phone, to my friend… it was morning… and it was the phone, back when I was 14 - on the wall - you know, mobiles weren’t THAT common back when I was 14! And, for some reason, I got told to get off the phone, by my Step-Dad. My two youngest siblings were watching television in the same loungeroom.
I don’t even remember why I had to get off the phone, all I remember was talking to my friend and my step-dad coming and yelling in my face to get off the phone… and then of course I didn’t do it EXACTLY when he said, so he pressed the hang up button thing… and of course - I was FUMING.
And there we were yelling nose to nose in each other’s faces… I don’t even remember about what/what was said… but…
Let me back track even more a moment…
When I was 12-13-14, was probably one of the hardest times, coming into puberty, entering high school and more… so much more of course… but I also felt very… alone in the world I guess.
And to describe the feeling of it…. no one… ‘had my back’… except Dad… yet, he lived on the other side of the country. So he did, he just… wasn’t physically present. (only when I visited him of course).
And… at high school… there were a few girls in the year above me who hated my guts because I was… I guess pretty… but also, I was with one of their boyfriends - before he became their boyfriend.
So, there was always this fear they were going to bash me, because they had threatened it many, many times to my face AND it was always gossip and ALWAYS got back to me that they had said this or that again and again…
Due to this, I had ALWAYS had in the back of my mind, okay, if they ever hit me, what I will do is punch them in the stomach, cause then they are leaning over and then uppercut them.
Don’t ask me why.
That was just always… there in the back of my mind.
But why? I guess you could say - it was PROTECTION.
That would ultimately be, how I could protect myself.
I had a back up plan.
As I always intuitively seem to do.
The physical fights with the girls, never actually happened through high school… maybe because they deep down know I could hold my own and wouldn’t actually dare to experience my fire and internal rage that maybe wouldn’t have ended in a good way… for any of us…
I had to back track slightly for that…
Back to the nose to nose and phone incident..
You’ve probably put two and two together by now…
You got it.
It was so in my face - he was coming at me, yelling in my face and I was backed up against the wall… and so I did… what I knew to do… out of protection..
I punched him in the stomach and upper cut him… and blood went EVERYWHERE.
And I froze.
And was deeply….. deeply in shock.
Immediately I looked to my sisters and was like ‘WHAT HAVE I DONE?!’ (ALMOST like Simba feeling with his Dad! I loved that movie as a kid btw!)
Mum walked out of her bedroom and my step dad was already walking towards her, hunched over blood everywhere… and he faints at the sight of blood… apparently….
My sisters started crying (they were YOUNG, then too, I am 12 years older than my youngest)
And I ran…..
I ran out the door…
I ran…. through the park….
Through the streets…
I didn’t stop running… and it was a good long run to….. I didn’t know where to go…
And where I did run to, was my workplace.
I ran to the chicken shop I worked at when I was 14 and asked to use their phone in the office.
And rang my… Dad. On the other side of the country.
I didn’t know what else to do. I was in shock. And more.
I don’t actually remember the exact sequence of events that happened after that.
All I do know, is that is when the series of events happened that I got kicked out of home and lived with one of Dad’s family friends for a while. And then.. I don’t know how or why I had to leave there either… but then I ended up in Cairns with Dad for the last Semester of Year 9 and went to high school there.
I eventually moved back to Perth and did year 10, 11 and 12 there. And as soon as I turned 18, I got in a car with my boyfriend and drove across Australia and… have lived in Queensland ever since. (more to that story too - but… my book, is coming)
And my weed smoking from 13 onwards and smoking cigarettes in the toilet at school and more, my bong buddies before and after school and long term highly addictive relationship after relationships…. were my coping mechanisms.
Again - I must reiterate - this is not a sympathy post! If you are feeling that for me - DONT! And LOOK DEEPER - because you’ve missed the entire point of my sharing!
I love my family… now… because I have done so much inner work… and the gifts that have come from all of my entire life? Is PURE GOLD!
Yet, of course, that didn’t come from an easy road or a lot of inner work to get to this place now.
“No one said it would be easy… but worth it? #priceless”
All my relationships, after relationships and all the shit I went through when I was a kid - I wouldn’t change it for the world - because I would NOT be who I am now…
There is so much more I want to share about this and why that significant event with my step-dad triggered what is going on now with my restructure and more.. but that.. is for my book as it is long and more!
I wouldn't be doing what I am doing in the world now - if I didn’t have my family and experiences!
I chose that life so I can choose this life now and what I am creating with, for, who and how and so much more in the world - all of it stems from a drive beyond what I even think I realise at times.
And the more I do this work - the easier it becomes…
Even this - that surfaced this morning?
It shifts - and FAST.
And I feel normal again. Because I know how to support myself through it. And call on help when I need it (99% of the time!)
And - because I am stepping up in my business, growing and exponentially fast growth and rapid expansion - you want to talk about blocks, sabotage and more?
It’s these things - like I just shared with you - that will ALWAYS surface when you are expanding and growing, whether in your business, your relationship, your career - ANYTHING - stuff will always come up because it is no longer in alignment with the vibration you are moving into.
The key is knowing how to support yourself, what to do and having the right support AROUND you to truly enable you to continue to rise as you are working towards.
It isn’t ‘bad’ ‘wrong’ or ‘blaming others’ for leaving you and ‘doing that to you’ - it is ALWAYS about healing YOU and finding the gold - because it is THAT that not only propels you - but is your CRUCIAL element and KEY to supporting your Life Purpose.
Do you see that now?
The connections I just made here?
Here I am restructuring my business and life, for this past 6 months.
The support has always been there in my life - aka - Dad (masculine) - he just wasn’t in the physical presence all the time - on the other side of the country.
What triggered me the past few days and past 24 hours especially, was that support is here, just not in physical....yet.
And yesterday, I finalised the physical support (masculine) to start full hours in less than 2 weeks time.
So - of course -
If you look at it deeper again - the co-dependent relationships - was me holding them at arms length and not letting them ‘IN’ - not letting the Masculine IN to support me - and that goes quite deep when you look at the energetics of it - so, this now - letting Masculine Support/Structure IN on a physical level in my life and business -
Of course - this had to heal and come up - because this is the CORE of when I stopped letting SUPPORT IN.
In those moments of shock and me running and then ‘being expelled from my tribe’ for years after that incident - my family - my home…
THE PLACE WHERE IT IS SAFE AND LOVE RIGHT?? (there is so much to THAT alone - the internal safety! Power key right there if you're noticing the depths of what I am sharing here)
THAT was the moment I shut down and didn’t let anyone else IN until now…
I shut down my HOME aka HEART.
I felt like I never fit in.
Because I blocked the world out in that moment of shock.
WHAT HAVE I DONE??
WHAT HAVE I DONE??
WHAT HAVE I DONE???
THAT is what I felt like this past 2-3 days - WHAT HAVE I DONE????
I was questioning this - DEEPLY over and over - why do I hurt the ones I love?? Ie, the men in my life of the relationships I have been in and am in??
WHY DO I HURT THE ONES I LOVE??
And this unfolding of what I just shared with you - came up and out from asking this question in the hurricane of wtf is going on here??
That moment of shock, when I hit my step-dad and then hearing/seeing my sisters cry and I didn’t know what to do but run…
Was that… I was protecting myself in that moment.
I was cornered against the wall… being yelled at….
FOR DOING NOTHING WRONG but be on the phone to my friend.
Okay, maybe I didn’t obey orders…
And I’ve carried it ever since.
Been the one kicked out of the tribe, my pack, my HOME…
That because I protected myself in that moment, I was the bad one.
Again, not blaming… just how the pattern… of shutting myself down, carrying wrongness for all these years… and
WHY DO I HURT THE ONES I LOVE??
When I don’t protect myself, I get hurt.
Now - don’t confuse protection here.
Because for me?
Protection - what I mean right here?
PROTECTION is EXTREME SELF CARE AS STANDARD.
I’m worn out.
I feel deeply torn with my daughter.
I am READY to hand over work, so I can support and serve at a higher capacity in my business and in service to the world.
And this… had to come up so I can..
Let in HELP - so I can HELP YOU MORE.
IT IS TIME!
Rome wasn’t built in a day… and you can’t build an entire Empire on your own.
Time to LET IN SUPPORT AND NOW.
This HAD to come out.
And it did…
And I am so grateful for those that triggered me in the past 6 days… soooo grateful… because it has enabled me to RISE and FLY to the heights I have been wanting to go and now the anchor is gone, cut loose…
And I am FREE…
Free of those closed walls I had carried for so long…
FREE of the feelings of being expelled from my pack…my HOME
FREE from the hurt of not feeling supported in the physical…(and btw, because of the incredible amount of support and love in my life from my tribe and so much more that has come in recently with exponential growth in ALL areas, these feelings of LOVE coming IN me, feeling safe to LET THEM IN - is what has enabled me to dive deep…. and deeper… and this now being shifted out… enables - of course - MORE LOVE - how much more can I let in? 🤔😘 How much, deeper, can we go? #babe)
I feel so FREE…
Of course this has come up to shift out - because I am willing to let IN the help, support, masculine, sense of support… IN the physical…
I can only imagine what other Masculine Support is going to come IN in the PHYSICAL now - as this physical support now pours into my life… into physical manifestation…
I think that is what we call.. .
Birthing a whole new reality…
Life Purpose. Base Chakra. Safety. Security. Finances. Sexuality (letting the masculine IN).
This is more power than I can put across in a post here.
And is DEEPLY what I support my clients and students with in their business, increasing income flow, balancing their inner selves, gaining support, healing trauma, shifting past patterns and blocks and sooo much more.
THIS is why people come to me and say regular counselling over their life has never worked. I know! I get it! And.. is why I challenge people at times…when they say ‘No one can help me’ - you seriously haven’t worked with me yet have you! #saidwithlove 😘
Thank you, for listening to my sharing and sharing…my journey with me.
I love you.
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
P.S. If you are needing support to shift out what you can - I released after all these intuitive nudges and more - to offer Distance Healings. If you are tired of trying to do it on your own and do so much inner work, but can’t seem to get to the core, then this, is for you: https://www.realityawareness.com/p/distance-healing-with-hannah
P.P.S. It is sooo close, I have been called to open my 3 Month Goal Reacher Program where I deeply support you for 3 Months, deep diving with me, 1:1!! (limited spaces for this one!) And PERFECT timing with the last 3 months of 2018 coming up - what a perfect way to clear out the remnants of a bit of a strange 2018 and get ready and set up for a 2019 to remember! Keep you eye out for that next week!