Something has massively shifted... when I love on myself, even when I don't look my what I feel is my best, I know I have changed. Raw. Real. Vulnerable. Radical. Unconditional Love.
When I can support myself in ways that nurture me, instead of beat up on me when I have had a massive week with very little sleep, releasing paradigms and relationship entanglements that have been deeply embedded more than I realised and has been slowly eating away at me, way more than I realised was even present and was the issue all along.... when I can love myself in this space, no matter what I look like, I know I have changed.
Sometimes I look worse for wear, but I can still love on myself - but this wasn't always the case!
Sometimes I eat super healthy, sometimes I eat what I can when I am busy. Being out of town now, makes easier for eating healthy that is for sure.
The biggest change I have noticed in myself is that since going back to the gym 3 x a week - I...
After yet ANOTHER devastating relationship break up I found myself hiding away, breaking down in tears and pretending nothing happened on the outside, when inside, I was dying.. another huge gaping hole in my heart.... wtf is actually wrong with me??
After several weeks of moping around, trying to get some sort of work done and figuring out what is next because it seemed like everything was lost... I finally began to pick myself up and get back on my feet again.
I began to get in my groove again and vowed to never let any man pull me off path again... or.. let myself loose myself again... and focus on myself, my daughter and my business.
I wrote down pieces of inspiration and stuck it all around my home. Which I do frequently, however, I also go through phases of clearing it all away and having clear open space.
A fresh wave came in and inspiration flowed as I pulled myself back into deeply alignment, curiosity and wonder at... what the Universe had planned for...
No filter required, because the clarity I feel with my new life is exactly this - clear and beautiful.
However, I found myself bawling my eyes out in deep, deep grief last night for over an hour.
It was deep, deep grief, and it surprised me what it dropped into.
My old house and what I went through being in that home for 8 years.
What I learnt and grew through.
The biggest piece being my ex of 5 years and what... I went through with that. What I grew through and the person it has made me today, because of it.
But not a grief of missing it.
Rather, the stored and buried resentment that I had tucked away deep inside my gall-bladder.
Tears poured, out of no where as I climbed into bed. I found myself 'at my old house' in the lounge room on my knees, bawling my eyes out.
I found myself, hovering/flying above my house/suburb, feeling trapped in the black sludge that I felt energetically in that suburb, that I repeatedly cleared for so...
"But I've spent thousands of dollars and it didn't work!"
"Not with me you haven't." I replied.
It doesn't matter if you spend a little or a lot...
What does matter - is the person who is holding the space for you to transform.
I have had many, many people over the years come to me and say that 'psychologists don't work, doctors don't work, no body, not even other healers can figure out what is wrong with me' and yet, again, it depends on the practitioner that is holding space for you to transform.
Anybody can train to become anybody from a book/class.
But how deep are they going within their own transformational growth journey? THAT is the key you want to be looking for.
The best healers, guide you to connecting to your own inner health, inner wealth and inner life purpose.
No body can do that for you.
It is like when I teach Lightfilled Yoga, I ask if there are any new people to my class and give them a disclaimer. If you don't like...
THE UNPLANNED PREGNANCY WOUND
Let's say you are in a relationship, or you begin sleeping with someone and think that this is a relationship that you can continue. Then.. you feel it isn't right anymore. You break up. Then, you are drawn back together. You know it isn't right to be together, but you do it anyway, against your intuition. Next thing you know - you're pregnant. FUCK. Right?
I have been deeply called to speak to this VERY common topic, that no one seems to think of, address or dive deep into healing.
Yet, unplanned pregnancies are a VERY frequent occurence.
Whilst MANY choose to keep their child and love their child to bits of course - if the initial 'shock' of an unplanned pregnancy is not dealt with, faced and dived deep into the emotions that come from that - they can manifest in MANY ways as you grow with your child through the years.
These 'symptoms' that are commonly linked back to THE UNPLANNED PREGNANCY WOUND manifest as:
I just wouldn't even go there now...
Yet, if I didn't learn what I did back then, if it didn't destroy me back then... well, I know it would've come forth at some point in my lifetime and I am grateful that it did, when it did and... I even feel nervous sharing this.
I also know, that all my experiences have led me to this place now, to have this acute understanding of relationship dynamics, of energetic understanding and for that? Well, I guess the pain was kinda worth it!
When I was fumbling my way around, fumbling my way in the early days of building my business online, this July, marking 4 years from the very moment I opened the online course program I had bought to teach myself how to do it... there was, a lot of... fumbling around... not even, in the online gig scene.
This was... fumbling around in relationships!
I JUST WOULDN'T.....
I see now? That this entire journey online? Has been my journey through Healing My Inner Masculine.