I realised something huge yesterday....Jul 29, 2021
I realised something huge yesterday....
After the fiasco of am I moving or am I staying that has been a bit of a dilemma for a few months for me (did you watch my - you wouldn't even read about it livestream a few weeks back?!)....
I realised something huge yesterday...
After deciding to stay for another 12 months, I signed the lease and was done with it.
All of a sudden the cats calmed down and weren't so crazy anymore.... for MONTHS they have been picking up my 'do I stay or do I go' energy and everything shifted when I made a decision.
Things became crazy in other areas of my life though... and yet, I was just dealing with the aftermaths of many things - like 5 years of being 'on the run' - and yet, that is the aftermath of coming out of a life and reality of living in an adrenaline fuelled life that was normal from societies standards that has been reeking havoc on my system for like... my entire life.
The mould situation in the ensuite bathroom of this old restored hinterland Queenslander was being sorted out - professionals coming in to sort it out and hence I decided to stay, along side a few other factors that are going to help stabilise my life.
After weeks of huge unexpected changes occurring in other areas of my life, I had been too busy to even get back in there to clean up the mess from the professionals cleaning it and so went back in there after weeks of it being empty to find - the mould had grown back! Gah. I hadn't even been in there AND I just signed a 12 month lease!
To say I was disappointed was an understatement. I am very grateful I have the landlord that I do and is now again, sorting the issue out. However........
On Monday, after a day of cloudy grey clouds all day, the most stunning sunset of the deepest pink I've ever seen... I KNEW it was a sign - something big is coming, something positively huge is coming. I stood there in awe, with a deep undertone of feeling of the sunshine after the rain, of the light at the end of the tunnel... #finally
That night, I had an email back from the landlord stating if I still wanted to move because of this issue I would just need to give him two weeks notice (even though I had just re-signed 12 months!). I nearly fell off my chair. But in awe and of course energy - this is the life I have created.
To be supported by loving, kind and understanding people... that my freedom is always paramount and I can pick and choose where I want to be, who I want to work with and be present to my life doing what I want when I want. I have CREATED a life like this, so of course something like this happens in my reality. #standard
I took this as a sign, an opportunity to move back to the beach... that is where my Heart lays after all. I went and looked at a place the very next day, one that I had my eye on that was still available from all my searching this last few months in the big decision making process.
It even had it's own beach access, can see the Ocean from my bed again, just like when I lived at Alexandra Headlands back in 2005, it felt like Home again. However, there were a few pointing factors that made it not a FUCK YES THIS IS THE ONE feeling.... I left there and even filled out the entire application form online when I got home that night.
And yet, something didn't feel right. Something was off. I felt confused - and I KNOW when we are confused - we are 'fused' with someone. We have 'swallowed' someone else's truth, over what we already knew the answer or what is right in our heart is.
I sat with it, meditated, before I pressed the send button from the form being all ready to go.
When I tuned into it - it felt hurried, rushed, and the thought of moving again when I just got settled here and have work to do. Of course, could make it happen but gah was more the feeling EVEN though I would be waking up on the beach!
Then it dawned on me... ah. I was settled. I just signed 12 months. It was the owner that suggested a solution to the repeating situation of moving. Of course, I could've taken that opportunity, however, after 'being on the adrenalin fuelled run' for like my entire life and this last 9 months deeply stepping out of that space? I chose to stay - again. I had already made the decision to stay and it was his suggestion that I 'swallowed' - of course, it was definitely an opportunity as well - hence why I followed it, but it definitely wasn't a 'FUCK YES' feeling that accompanied it, so I am glad I came into that clarity!
Everything felt like normal and peaceful again. The thought of saying yes to that opportunity at this time, I make anything happen - however, it was also me stepping back into that frantic, hectic adrenaline fuelled stressful place again and THAT is what I was saying no to. I am starting to love this peaceful calm feeling, not the adrenalin fuelled go go go one.
EVEN when I woke the very next morning after saying no the beach house and choosing here for another 12 months and waking to thick cold no sun fog until after 10:30am - you bet I was doubting my decision and choices!
However, lucky I know and live what I teach in Trust Your Intuition! #1 rule to trusting your intuition is that when you make a decision - doubt ALWAYS comes up - it is about walking right on through that doubt so that you can keep going. Doubt coming up is a sure fine way to know you HAVE made the right choice! Just don't get stuck in it, keep going.
Last night, after a full day of clients (I am LOVING holding days packed of Psychic Readings again - I think I have learnt boundaries now and am LOVING coming back into this space of deep service in this way!) - I was feeling all sorts of things even after clearing my energy and after driving to get Pad Thai for dinner - ah, the drive brought clarity. I began crying in processing the fact I chose not to move to the beach house at this time.
I would've been compromising a fair bit of values had I moved to that place at this time - even with it's own beach access and broke down realising how much I do love that lifestyle - but the biggest piece was feeling like, if I grieve this beach lifestyle and stay living out here too long, I will get accustomed to this acreage lifestyle (because it is VERY different) and not ever go back to beach lifestyle. THAT was scary for me and yet, of course, I let myself drop into the grief of being out here, knowing I am learning something HUGE right now - resourcing without my resource of the Ocean. And yet, something felt deeper than that, that at the time, I couldn't place my finger on.
I did get clear though - I do love it out here though. This is where part of the conflict of the last few weeks has come in. World stuff aside, I love the quiet, the space out here, just the convenience of life has been a strong issue for me at times and that has been an adjustment.
I realised I have decided - like truly decided - I want both. I want a beach house AND an acreage house. Because I can't just have one, I am not settling for one or the other. I am having it all and choosing BOTH. That made me come to peace slightly, even with this piece underneath still bubbling.
After grieving the Ocean lifestyle a little more... something dawned on me so greatly from allowing myself to drop that far about something seemingly 'so little' (btw nothing is little when it comes to what is important in your own Heart!).
What dawned on me?
That this time here, that I am grieving and letting go of Oceanside Lifestyle - is that... being here on this acreage and the detailed plan I have for this next 12 months to achieve goals that will stabilise my life and Reality Awareness even more (phase 2 of Reality Awareness is GO TIME) - they showed me in the shower (my guides always show me things in the shower!) that this.. is solidfying a DIFFERENT Oceanside Lifestyle. The one.... dreams are made of! Ohhhhhhh!!!!!! I SEE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the depths and darkness of a recalibration - we definitely do not see 'why' we are in it, even though there are snippets we do see and understand the 'why' things are happening.
You know what this DIFFERENT Oceanside Lifestyle is about for me right?
If you know me, have followed me since day dot... well.... you know that Super Yachts are a thing for me right?
You will know that the Ocean is a my Heart and Soul and Super Yachts, Surfing and Travelling the World via Yacht... is a thing right?
Well.... letting go of current Oceanside Lifestyle right now - is me letting go of the adrenaline fuelled 'need' to go to the beach for my resource, my safety, my place I can escape all the painful things that are happening in my life.
This letting go - this decision that I made, to choose the peaceful, calm and grounded path in this last few days?
HUGE for me!
And then days later for my Guides to show me what that decision did? Letting go of my 'dream' of living Oceanside - to now - anchor in the highest vision ever? YES PLEASE!!! 🤩🤩🤩
Super Yachts, Surfing the World in magical locations, following the summers and festivals?
Yeah... that dream is still WELL alive and happening baby 🛥🏄♀️
It always was. Just at times for me, it seemed like all hope was lost.
But... I wasn't.
I was RECALIBRATING.
I have ALWAYS been RECALIBRATING to my highest destiny.
That means... letting go of EVERYTHING I ever knew of comfort, safety and familiarity.
THAT included - my original dream of OCEAN LIFESTYLE.
Because I now see, that what I am doing now - is solidifying it more - into the highest reiteration of myself, of who I am... of, what my dreams are actually made of.
Landing deeply into reality...
I will be able to 'enjoy the Ocean and Oceanside living aka being on a Super Yacht for example!' without having to NEED the Ocean to save me from uncomfortable feelings. #huge AND I will be able to just live on it, in it and BE in that lifestyle... all whilst everything else is ALSO happening. ALL of it.
Ah. Of course, that is what it has been.
Phew, sooo hard to 'see it' when you are 'in it' and harder to trust the path less travelled - the peace path even, when you are used to adrenaline fuelled lifestyle. And gosh, what a feeling this has been to even experience this shift with the choices I have made this week.
And THAT is to be anchored, solidified and is now... normal.
How grateful am I.
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
P.S. So. Much. Peace. I think because I have found and remembered WHO THE FUCK I AM in these last few weeks! BIG TIME!
And sooo - celebrations EVERYWHERE I feel! Not just 5 Years of Reality Awareness Online, but August also marks 5 years of Tuesday Tarot! I have not missed a single Tuesday in 5 years! That is A LOT of Tuesdays! And a hell of a lot of Tuesday Tarots!
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P.P.S. If you would like to book your private Psychic Reading, click here: https://www.realityawareness.com/psychicreadingswithhannah