People will negate you and put you down, fall in a heap, bawl your eyes out, straighten your Crown and carry on anyway.
Only in the last two weeks, do I finally feel like I have started to 'arrive' here in my new home.
I always say to my clients who are going through a house move - it takes 3 months to truly 'land' energetically when you move house. 3 months prior to you leaving somewhere - your Soul/energy has already started to leave and 3 months after you arrive, do you truly 'arrive' energetically.
After 5 months on the road and then within two weeks of being back 'home' - did we pack up the house and move house - after being there for 8 years!
I truly wasn't meant to be in that house ANY longer in Wurtulla.
It still is quite awe inspiring when I still think about it to this day, how I drove all those kms (25,000kms/15,500miles in 5 months to be precise!), arrived back 'home' to only dump 5 months worth of car baggage on the floor at home to then stay at the Gold Coast for a week, to then come back home for the weekend to then get in the car and drive 2 x 8 hour days on the whim of intuition that Midnight was there, to find her within 10mins of arriving after she was missing for 3 weeks, to then get in the car the next morning, to drive two days home again, right before the Queensland border shut within days of us getting back over the border, to us coming back home, packing up the house and within 3 days, being in the home we are in now.
It hit me over the weekend, on Heart Chakra week no less, that... I am still grieving all of that! I haven't STOPPED!!!
To moving and unpacking - after being in one place for 8 years, was big enough in itself... to Heart Chakra week, showing me that I haven't even processed the grief of losing Dad with what happened with the Midnight fiasco out bush... I actually hadn't grieved that loss.
And with that loss, comes the crumbling and disintegrating of a masculine structure in my life that has been ever present for... ever. Just. No. More.
It is soooo interesting to me, that anyone in that vibration - has just disintegrated out of my life. It is just so.... fascinating.
And my poor heart, waking up on Saturday morning with these tears of realisation and just feeling off all weekend, probably all of the reality of moving and what I have actually endured this year in 2020, self led, no doubt - but my Soul, knew what I needed to truly break free of life long held patterns to.... set me free 🕊
Free from masculine structures in my life, that created walls around my heart and had shut out the world from a very young age, learning that men/boys in my life were only there for one thing, to trying to navigate the world being shunned upon and scapegoated my whole life, to this year in 2020 and driving at adrenaline speeds because that is normal to me... my poor heart, being saddened with so. Much. Grief. Just not having.... anyone.
With all of this crumbling, I have also realised, that in actually honouring my Heart, I actually do want a conscious, loving, divine union and that I am ready for this. I think I have pushed it away - or not even admitted this to myself, maybe I was still healing, maybe I didn't worthy of it... maybe, what happened this year on those phenomenal life changing road trips - changed me.
Because they did.
People say I 'feel' different.
People say I 'look' different.
In contemplating these comments, and my precious mind, of course anaylsying and figuring out 'why'... it is this...
These powerful road trips, just me and my daughter, our German Shepherd, our Chihuahua, our two precious Cats, our Green Bird (who chose to be sooo free, He left this realm on our trip), and the two beautiful Heart centred Ferrets, who found their freedom in a loving home that we couldn't have asked for anyone more precious to care for them... yes... 5 months on the road, with my beautiful online business that I worked my ass off for to build, in my Black Dragon V8 station wagon... changed me.
What happened in that cold ice central country Victoria, where there was no reception, let alone running water.... something changed in me from that experience.
It showed me the level of darkness I was carrying... deep, deep inside me, all this time.
Unravelling that.. was not easy and in recovery at Angel town Warrnambool, dropping into the deepest, coldest, bottomless pit of alone, cold, grief... that pain.. was something I haven't actually faced before, but ran away from and kept soooo busy for a VERY long time... who wants to face that level of cold, alone grief?! No one!
It was like EVERYTHING was taken away from me. I was 2 days drive from home when it all turned to shit in Country Victoria... if I was close to home, I am sure I would've left earlier.. but being that far away, no home, no office, no bedroom, no... nothing... not even running water for goodness sake - EVERYTHING was taken away from me.
I HAD to face what was buried inside of me that was walking around in front of me reflecting the darkest pieces of humanity that one could ever face. #huge
I KNOW why that happened.
Because I asked for it.
I asked for whatever was blocking me to be removed.
And yet, arriving here in this home, the simple pieces like running water, even learning tank water pump set up and understanding how it all works into your home... showering in tank water, was clean and heaven to me. It wasn't tap water... and it sure was running water.
I still thank my dishwasher every single day, and bless it sooo much for helping me.
For 8 years I washed the dishes and ran my home whilst building a business. Well, in the end I had help around the home, because I could afford it, whilst I was snowed under in work.
These days, it is a little bit different, because I have created a different boundary set with my work schedule.
For the first time in my life, it is ME FIRST.
No one else.
Not my work.
Not my daughter.
Not my animals.
Not my clients.
Then my daughter, then everyone and everything else.
Maybe THAT is the change you feel.
Whatever it is, what I have been through this year, has certainly cleared out what was the old internal me, who has been this way for 30-35 odd years and all the mindset work and deep personal development work that is a constant for me - well, the inside has to shift at SOME point doesn't it?!
Those road trips, whilst I wouldn't do it the WAY I did again, I definitely know I can get in the car and go whenever we want... all our animals and all.
For now, adjusting to our home, receiving our home, learning pool water chemistry and keeping it sparkling... just like a big fish tank to me (can't wait to get my fish again soon!)... is preparing me - for the fruition of the vision I have held dear in my heart since I was 21 and spiritual awoke... to that vision.
Is the reason all this has happened anyway. I'll take that thank you.
"Be willing to do what your Soul directs you to do, if you wish to create that which you are asking for." - Sanyana Roman
So, are you?
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
P.S. The most powerful six weeks of your life, is about to drop.
Activating Your True Source Code.
💎 OUT SOON 💎