I was HALTED by the Universe. In a BIG BIG way.
This past 2 weeks has been the hardest of my entire life.
There are sooo many people around me that have lost hope in me, lost faith... given up on me... 'It has taken too long, you're always saying this.' 😳😭
Some of you will turn around and say I haven't Hannah and I know you haven't... but the ones closest to me have and it has crushed me further down in the hardest place I have ever been.
All that has been on my mind that dropped in as I was doing the dishes tonight, is the movie 'Joy' that I watched in June 2016 when I first began online as I sat in my Auckland Hotel apartment for the weekend on the first flight over with my daughter for her to see her father, that she then began visiting him frequently on her own (another country), that was the start of sooo many beginnings for me and it hasn't been easy.
And yet... when I look back, it has actually been the last 2 months not, just the last two weeks...
And yet... when I look back... this time, February in 2017 - I was teetering on the edge of a cliff face divulging in the prospects of jumping.
I chose not to after visiting the location 3 times in 3 days... not even my daughter could anchor me here at that time. I was gone. Deep. Gone. No one could help me in that space.
And yet, I didn't jump, because I knew it wasn't my time to go and I would live and be a mess and that would be more excruciating than facing the darkness that was making look over the edge in the first place.
This isn't a 'trauma bonding story' with my followers...
This isn't 'trauma drama'...
🔥 This is REAL FUCKING LIFE 🔥
If you think I shouldn't be sharing ALL my story that I am giving it all away.. HA! This ain't 1% of it! That I shouldn't be sharing my story that 'real coaches' don't do that... lucky I ain't one of them!
And why? Are you still reading?
I'm getting sidetracked....
You see, in Feb 2017 I had met up with a boy and we had a few lines that spiralled me into the dark abyss when he ignored me (in short) and I jumped ship not dealing with it to then catch the same triangulation of being the Healer to the boys who were still hung up on their ex. (Kinda an interesting reflection right? 🤔)
And it reminded me why I don't touch that shit anymore. I was also deeply angry that I broke my 12 year stint of no drugs whatsoever. And yet... by that stage... I also let go of a lot of control over a lot of other things and it didn't phase me I 'broke' it... I think I would've been more disappointed had I not go off it, yet, it doesn't do anything for me but send me into places where I want to jump off cliff's (especially if there is a boy involved) (yes I am saying boy for a reason and hey.. maybe I was a girl..) so yeah, not for me anymore.
Some will say well it was the drugs that drove you to the edge... I say maybe. For me... it was the heart break from the boy.. because THAT is THE most excruciating pain EVER and is actually what broke the veil and made my spiritual awakening happen back in 2005.. a relationship break up 😳Oh this woman has a big heart that has seen some pain! Goodness!
I guess that was another layer to my drug trigger the other day on livestream about it all.
Just NO ❌
It brought up Wwwwaaayyyyy too many buried memories that I OBVIOUSLY didn't want to face... and had buried in the shame of breaking my 12 year stint. And yet. I am human and I am real. Some may call me a hypocrite and yet you've been triggered and missed the entire point of my post. Move on please.
Hence the hardest two weeks of my life...
And yet, not just that...
The energies are INTENSE right now are they not?! Phew! We thought 2020 was full on! 😳 Hold onto your hats baby, cause it ain't over yet!
That... was Feb 2017... Yes! I was online by then! Full on right?!
Solopreneur/Entrepreneur journey makes you face the hardest shit... and that is why not everyone does it... or more so... make it.
Feb 2018 I took Reality Awareness from Sole Trader to a Company and took myself off government benefits and even removed myself from the parenting payment I was still entitled too.
February 2019 I flopped in a heap after coming out of INTENSE 18 hour work days for 18 months straight my masculine was in overdrive (ON FIRE) making GOOD money and my business had taken off. 'I had made it.' My 2019, I received my V8 Holden Black Dragon Wagon, the last of the V8's, just before they stopped making them.
February 2020 we got in the car, myself, my daughter, our two dogs, two cats (at that time!) and our bird, and went on a 5 month road trip... to escape lockdown....
February now? Unravelling that huge element that I have kept hidden from February 2017. It gave me a huge understanding about suicide... and hence have helped many people back from the brink of it.. or in Mediumship, ever since.
I guess you can't hold space for the level of darkness, you have not yourself travelled. This, I am VERY clear on.
No one believed me, or more so really understands that period of time that I worked 18 hour days for 18 months straight. Even my recent admin assistant left recently after she made the comment, 'Hannah, how did you do all this on your own?!' My same response... um, doesn't everyone do this?!?! Nope! But really. And yet, I said to her, I always tell people about that 18 hour days for 18 months straight and no one believes me and now you're seeing what I mean.. not long after she left. I guess it was too much for her. Or I was. Oh gosh, that story again!
Her leaving, actually triggered this HUGE spiral mid January just now and the unraveling ever since.
I thought I was supposed to have a team and be a high level coach and do all that jazz - I was on track to up level Universe! What the!? You know! Doing all the things, ticking all the boxes, dotting the i's crossing the t's just like they have done... **insert MAJOR confusion face that has spiralled me this last few weeks**
I was HALTED by the Universe. In a BIG BIG way.
A huge part of this unravelling this past 2 months that I had to stop EVERYTHING in my business to be able to see clearly again for where and what I was actually, am actually supposed to be doing.
At the same time? I have been working on THE biggest structurally changing, life changing business project that is a game changer for me and I guess, an underlying reason why I had to stop everything in the first place to see where I am - DEEPLY deeply recalibrate from this space of what was and where I was headed because the UNIVERSE could see that I was going in the wrong direction.
I am not here to coach a few people and think that is going to change the world.
I am here to change the god damn world and THAT doesn't come by coaching a few people, having and holding masterminds and holding a few retreats, having land, and holding a few classes here and there. No.
Sure, you will impact a fair few... but change the world? Meh, you might contribute to a chunk of that.
And yet, this is where the Universe could see that I was getting lost in the clouds... pun intended lol!
I wasn't grounded in what I was doing... I wasn't grounded in what I was being called to do. I had FORGOTTEN why I came online in the first place.
I got to a place in 2016, where I was getting frustrated teaching 10, 20, 30 people in a yoga class, in workshops in person... that isn't enough people, I could feel myself breaking out of an energetic barrier, an energetic bubble... there was MORE I needed to help, to serve, to BE THERE FOR.
Right now, it is the SAME feeling!
I can only serve sooo many people in 14 hours on WhatsApp/Telegram... yep, that made up a chunk of the 18 hour days (doesn't everyone do this?!?!)...
That same feeling is back.... I NEED - I MUST HELP MORE PEOPLE!!!
Some would call that people pleaser...
I CALL THAT SERVICE.
I didn't come here to be a high ticket coach, even though I have high ticket containers and programs to support you.
However, it is a high value of me that I can still be available for people willing to step up to do so. THAT is important to me. You know, those people in that level of darkness that counsellors don't work and no body wants to look at because they are too far gone but they are WILLING to do the work and just need that hand up into the Light again, that footing to find their way, that changes their life in ways no one has ever travelled that dark, that deep with them ever before - THAT - Ancient Blooded Healer gift, you know, the one you are TRANSFORMED just by looking at me, let alone spending time with me.
I was HALTED by the Universe. In a BIG BIG way.
What re-visiting the level of darkness over Jan/Feb now, that is a similar feeling to 2017 that I KNOW I am clearing out consciously this time, has taken me to a place now of recalibrating to what I was meant to do online in the first place, change the entire world.... not just coach a few.
This has been a HUGE recalibration that thank FUCK I caught now... not down the track.. but at the same time, that FEELING... I just couldn't...
My Life Purpose... isn't what you do... isn't what they do.... isn't on the planet yet... I haven't even started to do what I came here to do.. even though.. I have done A LOT.
Lucky - LUCKY... when everyone has turned their back on me, LUCKY...
LUCKY... that when everyone has given up on me and when I just got back on my energetic and emotional feet everyday this last week and every day another one out of the blue says the same damn thing....
I haven't given up on myself.
Joy. Joy. Joy. That movie, ah, that movie, that I watched the first month I began all of this back in 2016...that whilst doing the dishes tonight flooded back into my mind after the 3rd setback and back turn in the last 3 days I have had on top of the last 2-4 weeks I have had.
That is all.
The Life Purpose Queen 👑
P.S. You might feel like giving up.. but you are still here... reading this... because you just...can't.
Because you damn well know that even though EVERYONE has turned their back on you - right now?
There are GLIMMERS of HOPE that were not there before....
That down this space... those glimmers of hope, were never there before...
But something has CRACKED through...
You know... it is different this time..
Something has changed...
That old crap?! IS NOT WELCOME HERE ANYMORE!!!!
IT'S TIME and you feel it in your SOUL!!!
Trust Your Intuition opens next week, click here for all the details, it is time: https://realityawareness.lpages.co/trustyourintuition